Following is an excerpt from the book ‘Life’s Greatest Lessons: 20 Things That Matter by Hal Urban’. Author Hal Urban has shared a question his student had asked him and his reply to the same.
Q: If God is so good and so powerful, how come god allows us all this suffering? Why didn’t he make us so that we can be happy and healthy all the time?
A: If God created us that way, we would be nothing more than puppets. He would be pulling the strings and we would have absolutely no power of our own. It’s true, we wouldn’t have to experience pain and hardship. But without them we would also never know the real triumphs and joys of life. There would be no reason to find a meaning or purpose for ourselves. We would be nothing more than mindless, programmed robots. God did a lot better than that. He created us instead with a free will. He gave us life and then he gave us the freedom to decide for ourselves what we will do with it. He gave us the power to choose our own way.
Friday, June 4, 2010
high expectations from people we love d most:(
It is said that people we love most have the capacity to hurt us most. I used to wonder why is this the case. And why is it that sometimes we can forgive strangers easily but not people we love?
Why are things this way? Two different set of behavior/expectation for strangers and people we love, But giving advantage to strangers over people we love, I couldn’t understand. I thought things should be the other way round. We should be even more forgiving and understanding with those who are close to us.
As I kept mulling over these thoughts and observed relationships in general, a pattern started to emerge & I found my answer -
When we love someone and respect that person a lot, we start thinking highly of them. We create this image of them in our minds which is just perfect.
‘My son will never do this’, ‘My daughter always does that’, ‘Our relationship is perfect – we completely understand each other’, ‘My parents love me unconditionally’, ‘My friend will tell me everything.. – these are just a few examples of that.
When these people whom we think of so highly and for whom we have created this perfect image, do something to knock down the image, everything shakes up.
When people break out of our mold for them and do something which doesn’t conform to our image of who they are, we get angry and hurt. Not because of their actions – which could be trivial but because they broke their promise of who they are – and this we cannot accept.
To release expectations and undo images we create in our mind is a life long activity – till we master not setting any expectations at all. Here are a few reminders which help me to let go of expectations and be in a place of compassion when people do things which they aren’t supposed to do (according to us) -
People need love the most when they least deserve it.
The ones we love are bound to make mistakes, just like we are.
Let people be human.
No one in this world is here to meet our expectations.
No one ‘needs’ to be in any other way than he/she is. Need is your expectation projected on the person. It’s your problem, not his/hers.
Love means forgiving people when they make mistakes.
People are going to change. It’s part of their journey of life.
Don’t judge.
I am sure you too must come across scenarios where people don’t stick to their image and break expectations. ...
Why are things this way? Two different set of behavior/expectation for strangers and people we love, But giving advantage to strangers over people we love, I couldn’t understand. I thought things should be the other way round. We should be even more forgiving and understanding with those who are close to us.
As I kept mulling over these thoughts and observed relationships in general, a pattern started to emerge & I found my answer -
When we love someone and respect that person a lot, we start thinking highly of them. We create this image of them in our minds which is just perfect.
‘My son will never do this’, ‘My daughter always does that’, ‘Our relationship is perfect – we completely understand each other’, ‘My parents love me unconditionally’, ‘My friend will tell me everything.. – these are just a few examples of that.
When these people whom we think of so highly and for whom we have created this perfect image, do something to knock down the image, everything shakes up.
When people break out of our mold for them and do something which doesn’t conform to our image of who they are, we get angry and hurt. Not because of their actions – which could be trivial but because they broke their promise of who they are – and this we cannot accept.
To release expectations and undo images we create in our mind is a life long activity – till we master not setting any expectations at all. Here are a few reminders which help me to let go of expectations and be in a place of compassion when people do things which they aren’t supposed to do (according to us) -
People need love the most when they least deserve it.
The ones we love are bound to make mistakes, just like we are.
Let people be human.
No one in this world is here to meet our expectations.
No one ‘needs’ to be in any other way than he/she is. Need is your expectation projected on the person. It’s your problem, not his/hers.
Love means forgiving people when they make mistakes.
People are going to change. It’s part of their journey of life.
Don’t judge.
I am sure you too must come across scenarios where people don’t stick to their image and break expectations. ...
Sunday, April 25, 2010
INVISIBLE GUIDE..........BENEVOLENT FORCE:)
There r no coincidences..every event we experience and every person we meet has intentionally been put in our path..d phone call 4m an old friend who crossed ur mind is no longer a surprise,d failed relationship dat left u broken hearted is no longer a source of bitterness nd pain...infact a blessing in disguise..a gift dat makes u stronger,more conscious,more alive..
all my life i hav felt d presence of powerful ,supportive energy wich never left me alone...i feel everything is planned .i began 2 notice dat wenever i went against my "inner voice"..it always turned out 2 b a mistake..especially wen i use my strength of will nd work against my intution ..i cant remember my intution ever failing me,although i've failed my intution many times..
hear ur inner voice its d message of soul:)
all my life i hav felt d presence of powerful ,supportive energy wich never left me alone...i feel everything is planned .i began 2 notice dat wenever i went against my "inner voice"..it always turned out 2 b a mistake..especially wen i use my strength of will nd work against my intution ..i cant remember my intution ever failing me,although i've failed my intution many times..
hear ur inner voice its d message of soul:)
Sunday, April 18, 2010
love Guru NANAK DEV JI teachings:)
let me narrate a story from Guru Nanak's life.once Guru nanak and bhai Mardana went to village though people didnt treat dem well,Guru nanak before proceeding next village ,said VASSE RAHO.bhai mardana was surprised but kept mum
the people in the next village welcomed and extended hospitality .When Guru Nanak decided to leave the village ,he said UJJARH JAON...bhai mardana asked guru d rationale behind his two types of greetings.Guru smiled nd said as d nature nd values of first village were not good ,so dey shud b resticted to dat village only so vasse raho...nd people in d next village shud ujjar jao nd share their gud nature nd values:)
kirat karo....earn an honest living
vand shakna.......share ur good fortunes wid less fortunate
naam japna....worship GOD:):)
the people in the next village welcomed and extended hospitality .When Guru Nanak decided to leave the village ,he said UJJARH JAON...bhai mardana asked guru d rationale behind his two types of greetings.Guru smiled nd said as d nature nd values of first village were not good ,so dey shud b resticted to dat village only so vasse raho...nd people in d next village shud ujjar jao nd share their gud nature nd values:)
kirat karo....earn an honest living
vand shakna.......share ur good fortunes wid less fortunate
naam japna....worship GOD:):)
Friday, April 2, 2010
If you correct your thoughts, the rest of your life will fall into place
Believing that who we are is defined by what other people think of us cripples the joyful spontaneity of our authentic selves. If others disapprove, and their opinion defines us, then we modify ourselves or shrink from view. Our image of ourselves is located in them, and when they reject us, we no longer "are" at all......We cease to exist except as a reflection of what others think. The fact is that who you are has absolutely nothing to do with any thoughts or opinions that exist in anyone else in this world." -
Listen to your inner voice and promise that you'll take positive action where you need to. If you've been addicted to a harmful substance, to overeating, or even to being a doormat, listen to the voice within that begs you to be big rather than small, and to take one corrective step...
Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life...
Once you believe in yourself and see your soul as divine and precious, you will automatically become a being who can create a miracle
.............LUV READING........... Dr Wayne Dyer
Listen to your inner voice and promise that you'll take positive action where you need to. If you've been addicted to a harmful substance, to overeating, or even to being a doormat, listen to the voice within that begs you to be big rather than small, and to take one corrective step...
Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life...
Once you believe in yourself and see your soul as divine and precious, you will automatically become a being who can create a miracle
.............LUV READING........... Dr Wayne Dyer
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Words that touch the heart and enlighten the mind
i love dese quotes by MOTHER TERESA ..I REALLY ADMIRE HER she was born on 26 august nd my MOM IS BORN ON 24TH AUGUST ..dere heart is d same :)
1...Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents, parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world.
2..Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
3.. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
4..I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
5...If you judge people, you have no time to love them
1...Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents, parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world.
2..Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
3.. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
4..I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
5...If you judge people, you have no time to love them
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Spreading d message of happiness:)
Dimag kam lagaaoo:)
fatafat khao:)
tension ho toh navratna oil lagaoo thanda thanda cool cool:)
life itni bhi mushkil nahin hain jitne hum khud bna lete hain:)
Life is a precious gift of God..It is worth living with all its frustrations,impediments and failures ..
good food,good thoughts,good deeds,good conduct..happiness is all about being happyyyyy
fatafat khao:)
tension ho toh navratna oil lagaoo thanda thanda cool cool:)
life itni bhi mushkil nahin hain jitne hum khud bna lete hain:)
Life is a precious gift of God..It is worth living with all its frustrations,impediments and failures ..
good food,good thoughts,good deeds,good conduct..happiness is all about being happyyyyy
D OFTEN ASKED QUESTION TO ME IS MAAM "AM I NORMAL"
I SMILE ND TELL DEM""Everyone seems normal until you get to know them"
teaching abnormal psychology i see my students smiling as dey r relating symptoms to dere own self den throughout i keep telling dem we r all normal but all of us have abnormal seeds so self evaluate urself nd know wat needs to be controlled.describing normality is nt dat easy..Read Dr Caplan's book and weep for the thousands of people (mostly women, of course) whose lives have been damaged by being labelled with the stigma of a mental illness, when in reality their only problem was that, they dared to be different. Or human.
One day me nd my friend was discussing normality nd he commented"How can anyone who chooses to listen to other peoples' miseries day in and day out, be considered normal, if by that we mean "average" or "typical"? We therapists are clearly not normal, we are a minority and we are unique". SO before labelling sumone normal and abnormal only theoretical DSM should not be followed:)
teaching abnormal psychology i see my students smiling as dey r relating symptoms to dere own self den throughout i keep telling dem we r all normal but all of us have abnormal seeds so self evaluate urself nd know wat needs to be controlled.describing normality is nt dat easy..Read Dr Caplan's book and weep for the thousands of people (mostly women, of course) whose lives have been damaged by being labelled with the stigma of a mental illness, when in reality their only problem was that, they dared to be different. Or human.
One day me nd my friend was discussing normality nd he commented"How can anyone who chooses to listen to other peoples' miseries day in and day out, be considered normal, if by that we mean "average" or "typical"? We therapists are clearly not normal, we are a minority and we are unique". SO before labelling sumone normal and abnormal only theoretical DSM should not be followed:)
Monday, March 15, 2010
jeena isi ka naam hain:)
kisi ki muskuraahaon pe ho nisaar
kisi ka dard mil sake to le udhaar
kisi ke vaaste ho tere dil men pyaar
jeena isi ka naam hai
kisi ki..................................
(maana apani jeb se fakeer hain
phir bhi yaaron dil ke ham ameer hain ) \- (2)
mite jo pyaar ke liye vo zindagi
jale bahaar ke liye vo zindagi
kisi ko ho na ho, hamen to aitabaar
jeena isi ka naam hai
kisi ki..................................
(rishta dil se dil ke aitabaar ka
zinda hai hamin se naam pyaar ka ) \- (2)
ke mar ke bhi, kisi ko yaad aayenge
kisi ke aansuon men muskuraayenge
kahega phool har kali se baar baar
jeena isi ka naam hai
kisi ki..................................
kisi ka dard mil sake to le udhaar
kisi ke vaaste ho tere dil men pyaar
jeena isi ka naam hai
kisi ki..................................
(maana apani jeb se fakeer hain
phir bhi yaaron dil ke ham ameer hain ) \- (2)
mite jo pyaar ke liye vo zindagi
jale bahaar ke liye vo zindagi
kisi ko ho na ho, hamen to aitabaar
jeena isi ka naam hai
kisi ki..................................
(rishta dil se dil ke aitabaar ka
zinda hai hamin se naam pyaar ka ) \- (2)
ke mar ke bhi, kisi ko yaad aayenge
kisi ke aansuon men muskuraayenge
kahega phool har kali se baar baar
jeena isi ka naam hai
kisi ki..................................
mom my life:)
mom is huge part of my inspiration ..a force dat drived me 2 give wat we can of ourselves to make d world a better place..i m writting here to share my thoughts,lessons i learnt 4m my experiences,my counselling cases..as i believe dis life is game of thoughts...all emotions ,feelings,behavior everything is ruled by thoughts nd thoughts r created by experiences nd wat we observe,read,see..so here i am to share my thoughts nd wanna share ur comments nd experiences too ..aim 4 doing dat is"to becum gud human" nd "to create a difference by spreading words nd thoughts"
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