Following is an excerpt from the book ‘Life’s Greatest Lessons: 20 Things That Matter by Hal Urban’. Author Hal Urban has shared a question his student had asked him and his reply to the same.
Q: If God is so good and so powerful, how come god allows us all this suffering? Why didn’t he make us so that we can be happy and healthy all the time?
A: If God created us that way, we would be nothing more than puppets. He would be pulling the strings and we would have absolutely no power of our own. It’s true, we wouldn’t have to experience pain and hardship. But without them we would also never know the real triumphs and joys of life. There would be no reason to find a meaning or purpose for ourselves. We would be nothing more than mindless, programmed robots. God did a lot better than that. He created us instead with a free will. He gave us life and then he gave us the freedom to decide for ourselves what we will do with it. He gave us the power to choose our own way.
Friday, June 4, 2010
high expectations from people we love d most:(
It is said that people we love most have the capacity to hurt us most. I used to wonder why is this the case. And why is it that sometimes we can forgive strangers easily but not people we love?
Why are things this way? Two different set of behavior/expectation for strangers and people we love, But giving advantage to strangers over people we love, I couldn’t understand. I thought things should be the other way round. We should be even more forgiving and understanding with those who are close to us.
As I kept mulling over these thoughts and observed relationships in general, a pattern started to emerge & I found my answer -
When we love someone and respect that person a lot, we start thinking highly of them. We create this image of them in our minds which is just perfect.
‘My son will never do this’, ‘My daughter always does that’, ‘Our relationship is perfect – we completely understand each other’, ‘My parents love me unconditionally’, ‘My friend will tell me everything.. – these are just a few examples of that.
When these people whom we think of so highly and for whom we have created this perfect image, do something to knock down the image, everything shakes up.
When people break out of our mold for them and do something which doesn’t conform to our image of who they are, we get angry and hurt. Not because of their actions – which could be trivial but because they broke their promise of who they are – and this we cannot accept.
To release expectations and undo images we create in our mind is a life long activity – till we master not setting any expectations at all. Here are a few reminders which help me to let go of expectations and be in a place of compassion when people do things which they aren’t supposed to do (according to us) -
People need love the most when they least deserve it.
The ones we love are bound to make mistakes, just like we are.
Let people be human.
No one in this world is here to meet our expectations.
No one ‘needs’ to be in any other way than he/she is. Need is your expectation projected on the person. It’s your problem, not his/hers.
Love means forgiving people when they make mistakes.
People are going to change. It’s part of their journey of life.
Don’t judge.
I am sure you too must come across scenarios where people don’t stick to their image and break expectations. ...
Why are things this way? Two different set of behavior/expectation for strangers and people we love, But giving advantage to strangers over people we love, I couldn’t understand. I thought things should be the other way round. We should be even more forgiving and understanding with those who are close to us.
As I kept mulling over these thoughts and observed relationships in general, a pattern started to emerge & I found my answer -
When we love someone and respect that person a lot, we start thinking highly of them. We create this image of them in our minds which is just perfect.
‘My son will never do this’, ‘My daughter always does that’, ‘Our relationship is perfect – we completely understand each other’, ‘My parents love me unconditionally’, ‘My friend will tell me everything.. – these are just a few examples of that.
When these people whom we think of so highly and for whom we have created this perfect image, do something to knock down the image, everything shakes up.
When people break out of our mold for them and do something which doesn’t conform to our image of who they are, we get angry and hurt. Not because of their actions – which could be trivial but because they broke their promise of who they are – and this we cannot accept.
To release expectations and undo images we create in our mind is a life long activity – till we master not setting any expectations at all. Here are a few reminders which help me to let go of expectations and be in a place of compassion when people do things which they aren’t supposed to do (according to us) -
People need love the most when they least deserve it.
The ones we love are bound to make mistakes, just like we are.
Let people be human.
No one in this world is here to meet our expectations.
No one ‘needs’ to be in any other way than he/she is. Need is your expectation projected on the person. It’s your problem, not his/hers.
Love means forgiving people when they make mistakes.
People are going to change. It’s part of their journey of life.
Don’t judge.
I am sure you too must come across scenarios where people don’t stick to their image and break expectations. ...
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